


Through The Night

by Ginny41



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 04:23:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16654195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginny41/pseuds/Ginny41
Summary: After a break up they searched for comfort the best way they could: drinking.





	Through The Night

**Author's Note:**

> Story also posted on aff. Italic indicates the flashbacks.

 

 

_She saw the pretty blonde take a seat beside her on the swings, rocking back and forth gently. Haseul crocked her head to the side, a curious look on her face as she watched the girl. “You don’t look like the type that would visit a playground in the middle of the night.” She blurted, unable to conceal her curiosity any longer._

_Jungeun let her sneakers touch the ground, putting the swing to a stop as the girl gave Haseul a smirk. “Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that? I thought you were about to fall when I first saw you.”_

_“About to fall for you?” Haseul giggled, her head light due to the drinks Jinsol gave her earlier. Her blonde friend thought a bit of alcohol could make the brunette loosen up a bit, but it only brought to light Jo’s greasy side._

_“Oh my god, you are really drunk.” Kim scoffed, facing the dark haired girl that was holding on tight to the swing bars to keep her balance. The blonde smiled amused at the sight._

_“Not really. Soul said it would only get me a little boozed. So this is me a little boozed.” She gesture herself, another giggle making its way out of her. However, soon she furrowed her eyebrows, before her eyes almost disappeared as she smiled proudly. “I know you! You are the girl from the dance team. Jinsol’s twin!”_

_Jungeun nodded, looking at her. “Well, I’m indeed new to the team. But it’s my first time hearing I have a twin. Do you happen to think all blonde women are related?”_

_“Only the ones from the dance team. It was easy to spot Jinsol in the performances before, but now I keep getting you two mixed up.” Haseul was unexpectedly well articulated for a drunk person, perhaps Jinsol wasn’t so wrong getting her drunk. “I’ll learn to always find you though.”_

_Snickering, the blonde rolled her eyes. “And how are you going to do that?”_

_“Hmm.” The brunette became quiet, a thoughtful expression on her face as she tried to come up with an answer. She inspected Jungeun’s face with her eyes for a moment. “Your eyes have little golden spots on it, I can’t mistake it.”_

_Kim was expecting another greasy pick up line, so it took her a moment to notice what the brunette was doing. “10 things I hate about you? You aren’t planning on vomiting on my shoes too, are you?”_

_Haseul busted out on a laugh, shaking her head vigorously. “I wasn’t quoting the movie! If I were to I would have sang that one song for you instead.” She leaned closer, giving Jungeun a good view of her pretty features enhanced by a candid smile. “I meant it. Your eyes are like caramel and they have little golden spots on it. It’s so pretty.”_

_It was dumb of her part to feel embarrassed by such childish compliment, especially considering it came from a drunk girl whom would probably never say such a thing while sober. “You should’ve tried the song, your pick up lines are terrible.”_

_Haseul hummed, taking into the consideration the suggestion before nodding. “Do you mind if it’s not that song? I’ve a very nice one for you.”_

_Jungeun gave her a skeptical look, wondering why she was still even there to begin with. Talking to drunk girls wasn’t her favorite hobby. Yet, she didn’t move, only nodding in response, bracing herself to what could be a traumatizing experience to her ears._

_It wasn’t, however. It was the opposite._

_ “Always, you always stayed by my side,  _

_ When I see you, I’m overwhelmed. _

_ That day, it rained so much _

_ I still remember that day.”  _

_Haseul’s voice was sweet and calm, resonating through the park as she sang. Jungeun didn’t know the song, it sounded like an old ballad, the nice melody transporting her to another time._

_Jo smiled as she delivered every line with ease, the song lyrics easily coming to her mind. It was a romantic song, a bit too corny to some, but perfect for Haseul in her current state of mind. She wanted to talk to Jungeun ever since she first saw her at Jinsol’s rehearsal nearly two months ago. The blonde was pretty, with an alluring smile and vibrant energy, and when she danced it was impossible to keep your eyes away of the charismatic figure. Kim was reserved regarding her life, albeit she quickly became popular in the campus, Haseul still didn’t know much about her._

_The alcohol was giving Jo the courage to step up her game – in a way that her sober self would probably feel embarrassed forever._

_Jungeun didn’t interrupt her, a smile plastered on her face as she enjoyed the little performance. She also noticed Haseul before, the little brunette who would always appear at the team rehearsals with a warm smile and encouraging words. Haseul was not good at being subtle and Jungeun was far from dense, so she knew the girl had her eyes on her from the beginning. It was a bit strange, from all she heard Jo Haseul was a smart girl with a bright future, a protective and loyal person who always looked out for her friends. She also happened to be very good looking._

_Jungeun wasn’t sure if she should accept this attention, she had just entered college and her love life had always been marked by meaningless relationships with people that never bothered enough to take her feelings into consideration._

_Haseul wasn’t her type and she probably should stay away of her. Yet, it didn’t stop her from enjoying the moment._

_ “You and I, we promised _

_ With our fingers _

_ You looked at me and said _

_ From now on, only good things will happen” _

_The blonde glanced at Haseul, reaching out to touch her hand. “But could you really?” She asked, finally interrupting the song._

_The older girl blinked in confusion, her mind so focused on the song that she lost track of time for a moment. “Could I what?”_

_“Promise only good things will happen.” Jungeun complemented in a sober tone, receiving a big enthusiastic smile in return._

_“Of course! I would never let anything bad happen as long as you are with me.” It was incredible cheesy, so typical of drunk Haseul that she should’ve laughed at the phrase. However, it sounded sincere coming from the brunette’s lips as she offered her pinky to seal the promise._

_Promises like this were meaningless, particularly the ones coming from drunk people, Jungeun knew it. Still, she intertwined her pinky to the girl’s, sealing the promise._

_Only that for Haseul, drunk or not, no promise was ever to be broken and this one was no exception._

_“I didn’t introduce myself yet! I’m Haseul, Jo Haseul.” She shook the blonde’s hand before she could retreat._

_With a small smile Jungeun returned the gesture. “I’m Jungeun.”_

 

Haseul was alone. Again.

Despite how many friends she had, how many girls she met, at the end of the night she was always alone. As it was supposed to be – it was her fault for being a terrible company.

Her date earlier was as bad as all the others she had that month. She simply couldn’t focus on the girl, not without noticing every little resemble she had to Jungeun and think about her ex-girlfriend would always lead to the end of the date as she would abruptly announce it wouldn’t work out between them. The reactions to her words varied between rage to pure confusion, that time it had only been a long sigh before the girl went away. Perhaps her bad fame was starting spreading through the campus and she wasn’t entirely sure it was a bad thing.

So, she would just stayed behind and ordered herself more drinks.

Now the brunette has her sweet brown eyes a little fogged due to the drinking, still staring at her half empty bottle. She didn’t want to drink anymore, she didn’t even like the taste to begin with. Yet, she drank, gulping down all the content from the cup so fast that she was barely able to register the burning sensation it left in her throat. It didn’t matter. She wasn’t supposed to enjoy it, just to use it as a form of forgetting her pain even if only for tonight.

However, she wished it happened sooner, because so far the more she drank, the sadder she got. Her memories weren’t being erased by the alcohol, instead they were highlighted in her mind, flashing through her eyes like they were happening all over again.

Scenes of their last conversation insisted on filling her mind. Every single word she said sounding bitter and harsher every time, making the guilt pile up her shoulders. Stupid, impulsive, arrogant…Jo Haseul was it all and more – at least in her own eyes, she was a terrible mix of bad things and the breakup could only be her own fault. If she had acted differently they wouldn’t be in this situation now.

Finishing her bottle of soju, she let herself slide against the chair in a defeated posture.

Haseul grimaced, feeling the bitter taste of her drink still lingering on her tongue just like her unspoken feelings lingered in her heart. Her body felt heavy, mind dizzied with tiredness that wouldn’t leave her no matter how much she slept…Unless, of course, she slept with certain person that had the ability of making her feel better with a single hug.

She missed those hugs.

Closing her eyes the dark haired woman wished she could, for once, feel a little less. Less pain, less longing, less love…

She pulled her hood over her face, hoping it would be enough to hide the traces of tears.

 

 

Jungeun took a seat at a table that seemed as unstable as her mental state in the moment. It wasn’t the first place she went that day, it was the third actually.

First a nice restaurant where Jinsol had set her up for another awful date – this one was incredible short, considering her partner didn’t even bothered showing up. One of the customers, a tall redheaded, wouldn’t stop flirting with her, yet the blonde couldn’t even tell how she looked like since all her brain registered was that her pickup lines were smooth, much different from Haseul’s corny ones, that always made her cringe on the outside and squeal on the inside.

She ended up following the redheaded to a club in the hopes that the noisy and busy atmosphere could help her cheer up for once – no need to say it didn’t work as expected.

She drunk a bit too much. The barman giving her exotic drink after exotic drink, each variant making her head spin and her stomach protest. The girl, someone whom she was struggling to remember the name now, quickly ran out of patient and tried to make a move. The kiss, however, only lasted for two awkward seconds before she had to break the contact to run to the nearest bathroom to throw up all the fruity drinks she had been fed the whole night. No wonder the woman was nowhere to be seen when Kim finally came back – she left her the bill to pay.

Of course, karma was having its way with her.

After throwing up she felt much sober than she wished to be, that was how she somehow ended up in that decrepit tent, drinking cheap soju and hating herself for keeping making mistakes over and over again. That night was only one of many where she would try her best to portrait a fake image, to put a smile on her face and a confident façade, only to let it crumble in a matter of minutes.

Jungeun hated it. She hated how she couldn’t simply go back to her old self, to go back to the Jungeun she was before meeting Haseul and becoming so dependent of the older woman. Still, she couldn’t break free of her own thoughts and would inevitably drink by herself making it clear how lonely she felt.

She rested her head on her arms over the table, albeit her eyes were still wild open. She had a test in two days, what was she even doing there? If Haseul was still with her, if she was still _hers_ , the brunette would probably nag her nonstop for being reckless, but still would come and pick her up making sure she arrived safely on her dorm, only to show up at her room early morning and obligate her to study.

It was hard to believe she even missed Haseul’s nagging.

She sighed, trying to gather courage to drag herself back to campus. However, her eyes spotted something that made her tense up immediately.  A red hoddie. _Her_ hoddie, the one that she left at Haseul’s place.

The person wearing it was hiding under the hood, hugging herself as if she was cold although the place was stuffy. Jungeun could only see small, delicate hands with short nails painted with a light shade of green that was half peeled already. She knew those hands, moreover, she missed the soft touch of them.

Haseul was there and Jungeun had no idea how to feel about it.

 

 

With a sniff, Haseul ran her bare hands through her face to get rid of the tears. She would spend the whole week studying until the book’s content was engraved in her mind, trying to cling onto the only thing she was good at. On the weekends, Jinsol would set her up on dates that she didn’t really want to go, but she would never miss one because it was her way of trying to pretend everything was fine and she was starting to forget her ex-girlfriend. Joke on her, of course, the dates didn’t help at all, just made her miss Kim more and have to try her best to contain her urges of calling Jungeun…She was making a fool out of herself.

And for what? She tried so hard to protect their relationship, just for it to backfire. Thinking about that night was enough to make her heart ache and break into pieces again.

Leaning on the table – that barely sustained her weight without crumbling under it –, she stood up. Luckily, she had already payed for everything and didn’t need to worry about it, because she doubt the coins in her pocket were enough even to grab a taxi or call an uber. She would have to walk home.

A couple of very unstable steps after, she stumbled onto one of the tables, almost knocking down one of the metallic chairs. Jo grabbed the chair, trying to keep it in place at the same time she tried to regain her own balance. “Sorry, I’m a bit...” The girl muttered, her eyes leaving the chair to face the person she had disturbed.

Brown eyes with glimpses of gold stared back at her. Eyes filled with a mix of emotions: sadness, confusion, longer, anger...Yet, she loved those eyes like no other and in any other occasion she would’ve said so. But it wasn’t a normal occasion and she wasn’t brave enough to face her girlfriend – ex-girlfriend, she corrected herself mentally as she bowed politely trying her best to not show how affected she was.

Being shot probably wouldn’t hurt as much as seeing Jungeun in that state.

“I’m sorry.” Haseul repeated in a low voice, rushing to get out of the tent. Both girls knew her apologies had little to do with the chair.

Jungeun didn’t try to stop her, instead she flinched in her seat trying to contain her own emotions. Once she noticed Haseul, it was impossible to not keep watching her, observing her little gestures that were all too familiar. She noticed the tears, she noticed her shaky breaths, the way she would stumble…It wasn’t anything like the Haseul she used to know, yet she was still Haseul and even in such state Jungeun would have been able to notice her anywhere.

It was no surprised when the older girl almost fell over the chair. Kim had always been the best drinker out of the two of them, indeed Haseul didn’t even like drinking. The younger woman wondered how troubled her ex-girlfriend should be to act like that.

She didn’t need to think much, tipsy or not, her instinct was still to go after Haseul and check on her. So she did it. Juggling with coins, she left the money on the table and rushed to find the woman.

There was no need to rush, the monolid woman was still outside as if she was waiting.

“I…I thought I should take you home. It’s late.”

Jo was in no condition of looking after anyone, not even herself. Still, Jungeun didn’t say anything, only nodding slowly in agreement.

Haseul let out a sigh of relief, her eyes still not facing the taller woman as she started walking with slow, careful steps. Meeting the other girl was enough of a shock to make her come back to her senses, although she still felt the negative effects of the alcohol on her system.

She couldn’t face the blonde properly, perhaps she would never be able to. Nevertheless, listening to her quiet footsteps a little behind was strangely comforting.

Occasionally she could catch the glimpse of blond hair and a weak smile would appear on her face. When they broke up Jungeun’s hair was silver, but now it was back to the color it was when they first met and it made a little easier for Haseul to pretend they were back at the start.

 

_“Come on, Jungeunie. Please!” Haseul said giving the younger girl her best smile. A mask covered the lower half of Jungeun’s face, however she was unable to hide the smile that reached her eyes, making the warm caramel color shine brightly as she looked at her girlfriend._

_“Why you keep doing that? Are you studying to become a doctor or a movie director?” Jungeun complained, trying to snatch the camera out of Haseul’s hand and only getting a giggle as reply._

_“Who knows? I could be both!” Her tone was playful, making the other girl roll her eyes in false annoyance. Haseul’s new habit was rather inconvenient, even so she still had a hard time getting mad at the girl._

_Taking off the mask – earning a delighted exclamation out of her girlfriend –, Kim faced the camera. “I’m serious. Why are you always filming?” She tilted her head, as if observing the delicate material of the camera she could pinpoint the reason why Jo was so obsessed with that thing lately._

_The brunette shrugged, her smile still present on her face didn’t reach her eyes this time. “I’m just trying to capture al ofl our good moments so we can always remember it.”_

_Jungeun furrowed her eyebrows at the unexpected sappy answer. There was nothing weird about Seul’s tone, still she could feel as if there was more than what the girl was letting out. “Then why you only film me most of the time? Soul and Heejin would love this thing, you know.”_

_Haseul’s smile hesitated for a moment so brief that it was hard to tell if it really happened or it was all Jungeun’s imagination. She raised one eyebrow, ready to pressure her girlfriend to speak more._

_But Haseul was faster, reaching out with her free hand to claim hers, pulling her closer so she could kiss her cheeks. “Because you are my favorite girl, of course!” And then there was Jo Haseul’s typical cheesy pick up lines, matching perfectly her mischievous grin that didn’t fail in making Jungeun scoff. “I don’t even know why I ask!”_

_The older girl chuckled softly. “You love when I say this kind of stuff!”_

_“No. I don’t! Nobody does.” Jungeun replied for the sake of it, completely aware that it would lead to another long discussion about whether or not Jo’s pick up line were effective on the Kim._

_The camera still filmed them all the way, capturing the banter as one of the moments that Haseul would consider as precious later when Jungeun was no longer around._

The sound of their steps against the ground of the alley was the only thing that could be heard, even their breaths too quiet to be registered. Usually walking this late at night would make any girl feel afraid, but they were in each other’s company. For Jungeun the fact that she still felt so safe around Haseul was both a bless and a curse.

She wasn’t supposed to trust or want to be near Haseul. After all, it was her who had break their relationship and pushed the girl out of her life.

Wrong. Breaking up only meant they were no longer physically together, it didn’t mean that Haseul had left her heart or mind. It was more like the opposite.

She missed Haseul like crazy.

She kept her eyes on Jo’s back, telling herself that she was only looking out for the older girl as a way to make things even for all the times Haseul had taken care of her. However, her mind insisted on remembering how nice it felt to touch the brunette’s soft dark hair, to hug her and rest face against her warm back…

She missed her smile, her little antics, she even missed their arguments. Having Haseul around, even if she couldn’t have her all for herself, still felt better not having her at all.

With a sigh, she averted her eyes to the deep indigo blue sky with no stars, allowing herself to go back to that night.

 

_Things didn’t change fast. Little by little, their relationship was changing in a way Jungeun never expected to happen. It was the smalls things, like Haseul not coming to pick her up after class on friday, or the number of times they had lunch together decreasing, even the fact that they didn’t go on dates as much as they used to…Those weren’t things that should affect her a lot. Yet, it did. Jungeun realized how attached she was to the brunette when they start falling apart._

_She tried, she really did, to be as understanding as she could. Haseul was under a lot of pressure with all her classes and Jungeun knew it, she tried to support the girl as best as she could. However, Haseul had always been busy with her studies, the difference now was that she didn’t even seen to **try** finding time for Jungeun. Now even when they were together her mind always elsewhere._

_Jungeun did the best she could. That visit was yet another effort to save their relationship. Jungeun came to sleep over, she thought that maybe if she was there Haseul wouldn’t have a choice other than to open up about what was happening._

_She was mistaken. From the moment she arrived, except for a quick kiss on the cheek and a half hearted greeting, she didn’t receive any attention from the brunette. The brunette seem uncomfortable to face her, a nervous smile on her face as she greeted her before going back to that damn computer and not even spare her another glance. Kim tried to talk to her, telling about her own day and what she wanted to do for the night – Jo would barely respond to it._

_Now Haseul was still in front of her laptop, like she always seem to be in the last couple of months._

_Kim tried to be patient. She organized the things, grumbling about how messy Haseul could be when she was studying leaving her books and notes everywhere. Cleaning up had a calming effect on her and she hoped it was enough to allow her to keep her cool throughout the conversation she was about to begin – it didn’t._

_She tried to sound as natural as possible as broke the silence. “Seul? Can we talk for a bit?”_

_“Wait a minute. I have a paper to finish and…” Haseul didn’t even bother turning away, rejecting the request without hesitation._

_“You always have something to do lately. With anyone but me.” She wasn’t supposed to sound accusatory, but it naturally did. She had never been an unpassionate person, holding back for so long was killing her. “Are you avoiding me or you simply don’t think I deserve your attention?”_

_She noticed the way her girlfriend winced at the unexpected attack, her hands stopping over the keyboard as the tension slowly spread through her body. In any other occasion the Kim would’ve felt guilty for being so harsh, however she refused to turn back._

_“Jungeun, look…” Haseul stood up, coming closer, but Jungeun kept her distance. She knew her judgment would be blinded and she would forget everything if Haseul touched her, and she really need some answers._

_“Are you avoiding me or not? Why?”_

_Her rejection seem to have a strong effect over the shorter woman. “I’m not avoiding you! I’ve been busy with college, you know that.” Haseul crossed her arms over her chest, assuming a posture that was a better fit to a mom scolding her kid than to a girlfriend. “I thought you were more understanding than this!”_

_“More understanding? It’s been like this for weeks!” It was the taller girl’s turn to assume a defensive instance. “How come you still have time to talk to our friends? To that foreign student? I see you with him all the time!”_

_“So that is it? Petty jealousy?” A glimpse of pain flashed on Haseul’s eyes, before she scoffed, her voice becoming full of anger. “Do you think I’m cheating on you?”_

_“What? No!” It never occurred to Jungeun. Haseul was loyal, she would never do such thing. “I just want to be with you again. To talk to you. Is that too much to ask?”_

_“Do you think I’m doing it all because I want to? What do you want? For me to just throw everything away just to be with you?” The way that Haseul spoke made it sound selfish and petty of her, but Jungeun knew it wasn’t the case._

_“Yes! For once!” She replied with a tone that was as adamant as the one the other girl used. “Maybe like this I wouldn’t feel so lonely all the time.”_

_It seem to affect the brunette, making her avoid her gaze. “We can’t always have what we want.”_

_“Weird thing is,” Kim’s voice was low now, charged with frustration and hurt. “I thought I already had you. But I guess I was mistaken.”_

_“Jungeun…” Haseul took a step into her direction, an hesitant hand reaching to touch the silver haired girl. “Can you just wait a bit more, I…”_

_Jungeun stepped back, avoiding her touch. “Why do I have wait?” As usual, there was no answer other than Haseul’s frown deepening. She sighed, tired of playing games that lead nowhere. “I can’t do this anymore.”_

_“What you mean?” Haseul’s voice was full of fear, a thing that Jungeun in her stressed state failed to notice. “Jungeun, please!”_

_She regretted her words the moment they left her mouth, but her pride and sense of self preservation wouldn’t allow her to take them back. “You are the genius here, I think you can figure it on your own.” Grabbing her backpack, she left without looking back not even once, because she knew otherwise she wouldn’t be able to do so._

They didn’t speak after that day and it was slowly killing her. In the first few days Haseul would call her every day, send messages that would fill up her inbox, however she never came after her in person and Jungeun _needed_ her to do so. She needed to know that her girlfriend cared enough to sacrifice her time to come looking for her, just like she used to do before. It might be petty and even selfish, but Kim couldn’t help it. Nevertheless, Haseul never came and Jungeun refused to go to her this time, clinging to her last bit of dignity.

In the end they were forced to meet in such awkward situation.

It was tempting to use this opportunity to talk things through, to just let her heart act and accept Haseul back into her arms.

But Haseul wasn’t asking to be part of her life. Actually, she wasn’t speaking at all.

Haseul was still painfully drunk, stumbling over her own feet and keeping her eyes glued to the floor.

Jungeun sighed. It wasn’t a signal, it was just an unfortunate coincidence.

Haseul stumbled once more, this time nearly hitting the ground face first and the blonde rushed to support her. Her left hand was gently placed on the girls back while her right was gladly received by the brunette’s warm grasp. It was weird touching Haseul after such a long time, having her warm hand on hers. Perhaps it made her more sensible to it than ever, unconsciously trying to collect all the warmth of it and fixated it on her memory forever.

Now she understood why Haseul always recorded everything they did together. She wished she could record these feelings in her heart forever, in a way that she wouldn’t ever miss the other girl because she would already have her as part of herself.

“I’m sorry, Jungie…Jungeun.” Jo was slurring her words, although it was clear that she was trying her best to not do it. “I’m no good. I’m sorry.” She kept on repeating, like it was everything she could think about. “I was…I’m a stupid. I’m sorry.”

She was drunk, Jungeun remembered herself once more, however it didn’t make her words any less sincere. Kim only wished she was capable of saying the same once the effect of the alcohol wore out.

“Yes, you are. And so am I.” The blonde muttered more to herself than to the brunette, although Haseul’s sensitive hearing didn’t fail on capitating her words.  The grip on her hand grew a little tighter as Jo turned to face her for the first time since they bumped into each other.

Haseul’s beautiful eyes were red, and Jungeun knew without asking that it wasn’t only due to the alcohol intoxication. The alley’s weak illumination wasn’t enough to allow her to read the expression on her ex-girlfriend’s face. She held her breath, anticipating what was about to come.

“What happened to your mouth?”

“M-My mouth?” She touched her own lips, grimacing when she felt a small burning sensation at the touch on her bottom lip. Oh yeah, karma had made sure that the girl-whom-she-couldn’t-remember-the-name gave a little punishment for almost vomiting on her – it didn’t seem like the kind of story you share with your ex, so she just shook her head. “It’s nothing. I just bit it by accident.”

Haseul nodded, looking as solemn as a petite girl with flushed cheeks and baggy clothes could look. She turned around, reaching for the small backpack she had with her, looking through it with clumsy hands.

The brunette handed Jungeun a kneaded white tube of ointment, facing the blonde with an insecure smile until the girl accepted. Kim wasn’t surprised at the slightest by it, if anyone would walk around with a first aid kit in their bag, this person would be Haseul. More than a medicine student, she was too motherly to be able to see anyone suffering and not do anything about it.

“Thanks, Haseul.” She said, tightening her grip around the tube before putting it on her pocket.

 

 

The rest of their walk was made in silence. Haseul let Jungeun take the lead, following her without a word.

Although Haseul was in no condition to judge someone’s looks in the moment, she still was able to notice how tired and stressed her ex-girlfriend was. Things weren’t easy for Jungeun already without having to deal with her. Perhaps she was like that _because_ of her.

What a pathetic role she was playing. Earlier Haseul wanted to say and do so much, but her head was confuse and her words sounded even more. It wasn’t like this that she had planned for things to go. She didn’t want Jungeun to think she was apologizing just because she had a bit too much to drink.

Kim had let go of her hand, albeit still keeping another one on her shoulder, probably afraid of letting go and having to collect Haseul from the floor. Her touch was almost impersonal, Haseul had no doubt it was making the blonde uncomfortable as well.

The brunette bit down on her lower lip, refraining from sighing as she stepped aside, freeing herself from Jungeun’s grip. “I’m already better. It’s fine.” Even the little contact through the thick layer of clothes was enough to make her heart beat a little faster, the touch was comforting and painful all at once.

Jungeun gave her a nonchalant look before nodding. “Good. We are close.” Haseul could notice the way she clenched her jaw a little tighter though. “We are lucky this area is safe even at night.” Kim pointed out the buildings just a couple of hundred meters away.

The blonde was making it clear that Haseul’s dumb excuse for spending time with her was too obvious, not that she needed to do so after all the embarrassment the dark haired woman had brought upon herself already.

“Thank you for earlier.” Jo said in a quiet voice as they reached the point where they would usually go their separate ways – only that before, most of the time they would decide to head to Haseul’s place instead. However, now both needed their own space.

She expected a quick goodbye, but Jungeun hesitate. Her hands making its way to the sleeves of Haseul’s hoodie, her gaze fixed on the shorter woman. “You still have my clothes at your place.”

Haseul blinked, her eyes darting back to the red jumper as she realized she indeed had Kim’s hoodie on instead of her green one. Oh yeah, they had exchanged clothes as one of those foolish things couples do to show off. “I…Yeah, of course.” She agreed, letting her eyes go back to face Jungeun’s brown ones.

The courage that only drunk people have prompted her to lay her hands over Jungeun’s, squeezing it gently. “We need to talk. Not now, but soon. Please.” What she really wanted was to ask the girl to follow her back home, to sleep next to her and wake her up to complain about all the mess she had made…What she wanted was things to go back to normal. But it was too much to ask. “I can’t keep going like this.”

Taking a step back, Jungeun took her distance, breaking free of any contact. “I’ll contact you.” Her voice, different from her body language, denounced that she wasn’t as indifferent as she looked like. “Good night, Haseul.”

The older woman only waved in response, watching as the blonde walked away until she was out of sight.

 

 

To say that the next two days were bad for Jungeun was an understatement. Having to deal with all the stormy feelings, a hangover and studying for her test was more than the girl could handle.

At least having to study gave her an excuse to hide in the library, a place where Jinsol and Heejin refused to set a foot on unless they had no other choice. She loved her friends and they were always so supportive, but still she didn’t feel like talking to them now would do any good. Haseul was also their friend, what put them all in an awkward situation.

Their last conversation, as awkward and weird as it was, made a huge impression on her. She didn’t doubt the other girl was being honest when she asked for a meeting, nor she doubted her apologies, she knew Haseul enough to know when she was being sincere. Nevertheless, it didn’t mean everything was fine between them and she should just run to her. Jungeun still didn’t know what made her sweet and caring girlfriend become so indifferent all of sudden, and unless Haseul was ready to give her a proper explanation they wouldn’t be able to think about any sort of future together.

She forced herself to focus on her books, trying to bury any unwanted thoughts on the back of her mind.

She failed miserably, on her exam and in keeping Haseul out of her mind.

Somehow she found her way back to the bar, having a glass of some alcoholic drink in front of her again.

Her classmates, a loud group, had dragged her with them to drink and complain about their bad luck. They didn’t seem to notice that her bad mood had little to do with the exam. Failing the test wasn’t so bad itself, she still had time to save her grades. What really upset her was to be so unable to control her own feelings, to allow herself to be so into her own problems to the point it was affecting all her life.

At first the group pressured her into drinking and eating, trying to cheer her up with jokes and games. Jungeun wasn’t a kill joy, but she couldn’t bring herself to participate, using a headache as excuse to stay out of the games.

“Jung, are you okay?” One of her classmates asked, concern in her tone as she looked at the blonde with her big gentle eyes. It was Jiwoo, another one of her friends. The fellow Kim was an energetic and bubbly type, seeing such serious expression on her face wasn’t common. All the others had slowly left, leaving only the two girls behind.

Jungeun just nodded, the last thing she wanted was to have yet another friend worried. “It’s fine. I’m just a little upset because of the test.”

“Are you sure? Sooyoung is outside, she came to pick me up. We can give you a ride.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Don’t worry, I still have to finish this bottle before leaving.” She declined with a smile that hopefully looked sincere enough to convince her friend.

“If you say so.” Jiwoo pursed her lips, shaking her head in a negative. Clearly, Jungeun wasn’t a good actress. “Call me if you need, okay? We’ll come running!”

The blonde left out an airy chuckle at Jiwoo’s overprotective tone, but agreed before waving her off.

As soon as the brown haired girl was out of sight, she sighed.

Jungeun stared at her phone on the table, sliding her finger over its screen that light up. Her wallpaper was one of the standard images that came with the device. It used to be a goofy picture of her and Haseul at an amusement park, but it pained to her too much, so she changed it. The picture was still on her gallery, just like all her pictures with Haseul that she wasn’t brave enough to get rid of. For how long she would keep it?

Haseul’s words echoed in her head. They couldn’t ignore the problem forever and live like that. An honest conversation was the only way out.

Her hands acted before she could think properly, searching for Haseul’s number on the phone and finding it easily. Jungeun took a deep breath, her thumb hitting the green icon to make the call.

“Haseul.” Jungeun wasn’t drunk this time, she didn’t have an excuse. She didn’t want one either. “Can you come pick me up?”

 

 

Haseul closed her eyes tightly, pulling the pillow over her head to block the sounds. It was early to go to sleep, but her body was begging for some rest. She barely had any sleep lately, the crescent dark circles under her eyes were a huge proof of it.

Jungeun hadn’t contacted her ever since she walked her home. Jo was aware that it wasn’t that long ago and perhaps she should be more patient, but it was hard to act like that.

When they broke up she tried to call and message Jungeun for a whole week, hoping for any signal that it would be okay to go to her and apologize for everything. But the girl never picked up her calls, nor returned her texts, she didn’t even say anything to their friends that could serve as the little push Haseul needed to woman up and knock at her door.

Back then Haseul had understood Jungeun’s actions, or the lack of it, as a sign to leave her alone and respect her wishes. It was like this that her unhealthy habits of drinking and trying to date started – she had set herself up to failure from the very beginning.

Now she was back at the start. Her need to see the blonde was so strong that she couldn’t think about anything else. Going to Jungeun’s place uninvited didn’t seem like a good idea, but it was becoming more and more tempting as the time passed.

Jo hadn’t treat her girlfriend like she deserved and it was her fault that they reached this new low. Kim would probably just end things between them, again. Yet Haseul was clinging onto the idea of seeing the girl one last time. She owned Jungeun some answers, and perhaps she could receive her forgiveness and it would be enough to make her accept and try to move on.

 “Haseul! Jo Haseul!” Jinsol loud shouts took  her out of her divagations, her friend taking away the pillow to face her.

“Jinsol? What is wrong?” She asked covering her eyes from the sudden luminosity that came both from the light above and from Jinsol’s blinding white smile. The girl was her roommate for the last three years and her friend even before that, what meant two things: They were incredibly close and Jinsol had no respect whatsoever for her personal space, coming in and out of her room whenever it pleased her. Luckily for both girls, she had a good reason this time.

“Is your hangover so bad you can’t even hear your phone?” Jung tossed her the said phone, where the screen displayed a picture of Jungeun as the caller ID. “I thought you would want to pick this up.”

The brunette fumbled with the phone, a wave of excitement running through her as she tried her best to pick up the call. “Jungeun?” She listened close, her heart beating on her chest like crazy as she expected a reply.

**“Can you come pick me up?”**

The simple phrase was enough to make an unsure smile make its way to Jo’s face. “Where are you at? Is everything fine?”

 Jinsol grinned, giving her a thumb up in approval. Haseul ignored her, holding her breath as listen to Jungeun’s voice explain her location.

“I’ll be there in fifteen. No, I mean in ten minutes! Just wait for me.” She finished the call, jumping out of the bed to grab a jacket, not minding changing into more appropriated clothes.

Jinsol giggled, helping her to find her shoes. “Keep calm, Haseul. It’s Jungeun. She needs you as much as you need her, so just go there and get you girl!” She put her hands over Haseul’s shoulders, forcing her to stop and take a deep breath. “Be safe and bring me some fried chicken.”

“Okay, okay.” Haseul replied, albeit Jung highly doubted she would be getting any chicken today. She set the shorter woman free, stepping aside so she could leave. “I’ll be at Heejin’s. Good luck!”

Once again all she got as a reply was a rushed ‘okay’ as Haseul dashed out as if her life depended on it.

 

 

A very sober and reliable Haseul appeared exact nine minutes after the call, bringing a wistful smile to Jungeun’s face.

She looked so much like _her_ Haseul today. Her dark brown hair was down, she was wearing a light pink hoodie and dark sweatpants that Kim knew were part of her favorite pajama set, she probably had ran as fast as she could to there without a second thought. There was concern on her face as she scanned the room looking for Jungeun, who waved at her weakly before standing up to meet her at the door.

“I’m okay. I just drank a bit.” The blonde assured, watching as relief washed over Jo’s face.

The older girl didn’t question her, she didn’t even complain, she only nodded asking, “Ready to go?” For which Jungeun replied with a nod.

Different from the other night, they walked side by side. Their steps in perfect sync were slower than usual, as they both wanted to take their time to reach the campus. Once in a while one of them would steal a glance at the other, just to look away as soon as their eyes met.

For the first few minutes their unsaid words worked as a wall, keeping them apart. A wall that Jungeun broke with a simple sentence. “I failed my test today.” She curled her lips in disdain, completing. “I studied all night and even like this I couldn’t remember anything.”

Haseul was taken aback by her words, her eyes darting to the blonde’s face as concern once again made its way to her face. “It can happen to anyone. You always study hard, it’s not your fault.” The words of comfort easily rolled out of her tongue, her worry for the other girl pushing away the nerves that bothered her the whole night. “Maybe you did better than expected, we should wait and…”

“Is there even a ‘we’ still, Haseul? As in you and I.” Jungeun raised her gaze to meet the girl’s, her pace becoming even slower as she slowly got closer to Haseul. There was no anger or demand in her words, she tried to sound as impartial as possible, although there was a glimpse of hope in her eyes that she would never be able to hide.

The brunette held her breath, feeling her body tense up as the atmosphere changed. It was impossible to tell by Jungeun’s words what she really wanted to hear in return, so Haseul answered with her own wishes. “I hope there is.” She let her steps fall a little behind, accommodating to Kim’s pace. “But I’m not the one who should decide it.”

Jungeun was relieved to hear it, thanking herself mentally for making the first move this time around. However, she had to remind herself that she wasn’t supposed to just accept Jo back yet. “As far as I know it takes two to decide whether or not a relationship can work.” She stepped a little closer, close enough to allow their hands to brush against each other. “As for me, I need to hear you out before I can answer this question.”

The chance of explaining herself to the girl was already more than what Haseul thought she deserved, therefore she didn’t waste time before saying. “Thank you, Jungeun. I’m sorry for not having done it before.” She dared to let her fingers slid against the girl’s, giving her hand a short, gentle squeeze. “I want to fight for us. As a couple or not, I don’t want you out of my life.”

Jungeun didn’t reply with words, instead she intertwined their fingers, increasing her pace so they could reach Haseul’s place faster.

 

 

Jinsol was nowhere to be seen when they arrived, for what Haseul was glad – and also a little guilty, she completely forgot about the fried chicken.

Their hands were still joined as she lead the way to her room, where Jungeun took a seat on the bed. The blonde hadn’t seen the place in weeks, and being there again gave her a weird sense of familiarity, what shouldn’t surprise her considering how much time she spent there. Haseul wasn’t as messy as before, no clothes and books scattered around, just a couple of notes here and there – breaking up really affects people, she was even cleaning up after herself.

“I’m trying to be a bit more organized.” Jo said with a shy smile, as if she had read the blonde’s thoughts.

Jungeun only smiled, patting the space in front of her as a sign for the girl to take a seat. Jo did as she was told, sitting with her back against the bed’s board.

She didn’t speak right away, taking a moment to enjoy Jungeun’s presence. Her place didn’t feel like a home without Kim, at least not after two years where the other girl would spend more time there than at her own apartment. Jungeun had a place in Haseul’s life from the moment they met, first as a friend, later as a lover and she was sure it wouldn’t ever change.

“I’m sorry. I said and did things I shouldn’t have, and believe me, it all came back to haunt me.” The brunette pursed her lips in a thin line as she thought about all the mistakes she had committed. A simple apology wouldn’t erase it and she shouldn’t act like it could. “I wasn’t avoiding you, not or purpose at least. I just had a lot on my mind and I felt like I shouldn’t push the burden onto you as well…Now I realized I did it anyway.”

Jungeun fixed her gaze on her, hopefully soon to be, girlfriend. For the last few months she imagined all kind of scenarios, from the silliest to the darkest, and now she was about to know the truth. She closed her hands into fists to prevent herself of touching Haseul. “And what was it? I know it wasn’t just school.”

Jo sighed, unable to hide a grimace as she spoke. “It was school still, only that my parents were involved in it as well. They decided a local college, no matter how good it was, wasn’t good enough for me and tried to force me to go overseas. That was why I was always talking to that exchange student, he is from the university my parents wanted to send me to. He was helping me to convince dad that the program there wasn’t much different from here.”  The boy in question was a good friend of hers and that was all.

“I don’t get it. I thought you already finished what you had to do in the US.” For Jungeun it was hard to put the pieces together. Haseul had spent a year away in a pre-med program that was the reason why they were only a year apart in college instead of the two. Jo never mentioned anything about coming back.

“I did. There is nothing there that I can’t have here as well.” She reassured, her voice low and firm. “However, my parents were worried I was…Er, slacking off.”

“Slacking off?” Kim raised an eyebrow. Haseul was probably the biggest nerd she had ever met, always on the top of her classes. How come her own parents couldn’t see it?

Haseul’s expression became darker. “They found out about us... As you know, I haven’t date anyone before, so I guess they were afraid of how it could affect me.” She averted her gaze to a family picture that was still on her nightstand. Haseul was an only child, moreover a very formidable one and her parents were proud of her, what also meant she had extra pressure over herself. “It’s my fault for hiding it for so long.”

“They wanted to send you away because of _me_?” It had never occurred Jungeun that the reason for Haseul to not introduce her to the Jo’s was because they would hate her, she always presumed they weren’t very close and the girl didn’t want  to bring her into any family drama – how ironic, now she was in the middle of the biggest drama. “It’s because I’m a girl?”

“No! I mean, I…I don’t know.” Haseul gut feeling always told her that her overprotective parents would have reacted the same to anyone that they hadn’t carefully handpicked for her. It wasn’t Jungeun’s fault and she didn’t want the girl to think it was. She reached out, touching the girl’s fists gently until her hands were open and able to accommodate hers. “I didn’t want to burden you with this. So I bargained with them, I promise I’d get full marks in every exam in the semester and in exchanged they would accept my decisions, regarding you and everything else.”

Kim used her thumb to draw circles at the back of Haseul’s hands, reaching for comfort in the touch. Now things were clear, what didn’t mean it hurt any less. It was a relief to know Haseul never intended on pushing her away, but it also made her feel upset that someone else, people that should be rooting for their happiness, were against the relationship.

“You weren’t avoiding me, you were trying to keep me by your side. But it drove us apart because you couldn’t tell me the truth?” She tried to connect all the information, her voice strained due to the emotion.

Haseul nodded solemn. “I underestimated you and overestimated myself. I was so obsessed with getting the results and scared of failing that I pushed you away without realizing it. I should’ve trust you and told you what was going on.”

“Yes you should’ve! I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt that your parents dislike me even before we meet, but I wasn’t going to run away. I would’ve helped you to prove them wrong.” She released her hands from the older girl’s gentle grip, wiping away a stubborn tear that rolled down her cheek.

Haseul swallowed her own tears, lowering her gaze to her hands, missing Jungeun’s warm ones. She shouldn’t have expect for a different outcome. No matter how noble her reasons were, she still had hurt Kim and broken the promised she made.

“Next time, keep it mind before trying to do everything on your own.” She felt long, slender arms engulfing her body in a tight embrace. The blonde’s voice speaking next to her ear. “I just wished you had come to me before. If I knew about it all along we wouldn’t have to go through so much useless suffering.”

It took the brunette a moment to realize what it meant and return the hug with a bear one, closing her eyes as she felt Jungeun’s unique scent involve her just like her warmth slowly spread to Haseul’s body. She had missed it so much, more than she could ever imagine.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have let you leave that day, nor any day. I…”

“Stop apologizing. It wouldn’t have happened if I had insisted on talking with you before it was too late, or if I hadn’t declined your calls…We both made bad decisions that lead to where we are now, but what matters is that we met again and I’m not letting you go this time.” She pulled back only enough to face the older girl. “As long as you promise me you won’t hide anything from me again.”

Jo smiled, feeling her eyes burning with unreleased tears that she didn’t mind, since these were from happiness. “I promise. I won’t make the same mistake twice.” She kissed Jungeun’s face numerous times, hugging her to the point the other girl complained.

Yet, when she pulled away, Kim took Haseul’s face between her hands kissing her. It wasn’t their usual calm and gentle kiss, it was almost rough, full of passion and need. Jungeun’s arms involved her neck, pulling her in as one her hands grabbed her nape so she could deepen the kiss. Haseul let out a content sigh, her own hands busy caressing Jungeun’s hair and back.

“Never again.” Jungeun said when they finally broke apart for air.

Haseul smiled, kissing the tip of her nose affectionately. She didn’t need to ask to know what she meant. No more break ups, no more broken hearts and cheap drinks. “Never.”

 

 

That night, after many kisses and sweet nothings exchanged, they cuddled in bed. Haseul nuzzled her nose against the soft skin bellow Jungeun’s ear, earning a giggle out of the girl. “Stop, you know I’m sensitive.” The blonde protested as Jo proceeded leaving soft kisses in the area.

The brown haired woman laughed, giving her ear one last kiss before obeying her request. “I love you, Jungeun.” She said quietly, resting her chin on the girl’s shoulder. Although she couldn’t see her face, she could still feel the smile on her voice as she replied. “I love you too, Seul.”

Jungeun turned on her arms to face her. “What about your parents? How are things now?”

Haseul would rather to avoid the subject, enjoying their little moment a bit more. The answer wasn’t exactly the best, but she decided to be honest. “Well, I did what I said. So they have given up…For now. I guess the best thing I can do is try to graduate as fast as I can.”

Jungeun sighed, knowing things wouldn’t be so easy as she would want them to be. “I guess I should prepare for meeting them. Maybe if they realize I’m not that much of a bad influence, they will leave you alone.” There was a chance that the opposite could also happen, still, she was trying to be optimistic. “After all, as certain drunk girl told me once, I tend to make people fall for me at first sight.”

“I get it. I won’t drink anymore, no need to remind me of that time.” It was the shorter woman’s time to protest, a light shade of pink coloring her cheeks as she remembered all the embarrassing things she said on their unofficial first meeting.

The blonde gave her the same smirk from that night. “Why not? If it wasn’t for all your bad pick up lines stolen from 90’s movies we wouldn’t be here today.”

Haseul shook her head, leaning in to kiss the girl. Nevertheless, Kim didn’t allow her to prolong the contact for long. The brunette look at her a bit confused.

“The videos…Did you film it because you were afraid of what could happen when your parents figured out about us?” She ask in a soft tone, her equally soft hands touching the sides of Haseul’s face tenderly.

The light pink flush on the older girl’s face became darker, denouncing her embarrassment before she could articulate her words. “No. At first it was just because I was afraid of losing you.”

“Why?”

“Because you were the first person I really liked and seem to like me back. You made me feel so much and so fast that I started to fear that things would end as fast and I didn’t want to be left only with bitter memories.” It was embarrassing to admit it. Haseul had always been a reserved person, someone who spent more time focused on the more practical aspects of life that barely had any experiences in the love field. Jungeun was different, confident and almost cynical about it all. These differences, the things that made their relationship so strong, were also their biggest weakness.

Jungeun pouted, annoyed at the sole idea that Haseul ever thought they wouldn’t last long. “You should have known that if I was willing to listen to your drunk singing in a playground in the middle of the night, I was whipped behind the acceptable limits for you.” She admitted with a soft chuckle. Back then she didn’t know how much truth it was, but soon she was unable to deny it any longer. To be with Haseul, whether she was her calm and collected responsible sober self or her flirty drunk self, was her favorite thing in the world.

“So, did you watch it while we were apart?”

Jo shook her head in a strong negative. “I tried once…It only made me miss you more.” And call Jungeun a dozen of times, having every call redirected to the voicemail. She even went to her place once, but she wasn’t brave enough to knock on the door and left before anyone could see her.

She leaned in to kiss Jungeun’s forehead. “I guess I’ll keep the videos to show to our kids someday.”

“Kids already?” The blonde scoffed, albeit a large smile was plastered on her face. Haseul was always worrying about the future, while Jungeun liked to live in the moment. Perhaps this made them a perfect combination. “I hope you are not talking about Jinsol and Heejin, though. Heejin looks at me like a wounded bunny and keeps talking about how much she misses hanging out with _all_ the gang, while Jinsol keeps setting me up on terrible dates to make me miss you more.”

Haseul laughed. “I thought I was the only one that had to deal with their crazy plans.”

“In the last one the girl stood me up and then I almost end up reenacting that movie scene for real…” She cringed at the memory of her tragic club experience.

Jo furrowed her eyebrows, giving her a curious look. “What movie scene?”

“Someday I’ll tell you about…But not today.” Jungeun said, before leaving a kiss on her, now on again, girlfriend’s lips. She hugged the brunette better, resting her face on Haseul’s chest and closing her eyes. “Jo Haseul, don’t ever leave my side, okay?”

Haseul was still a bit confused, but she nodded positively. “I won’t.” She left a sweet kiss on Jungeun’s forehead, soon following her example and closing her eyes to get her much deserved rest.

For the first time in weeks Haseul slept the whole night, not waking up even when Jinsol and Heejin barged into her room looking for the food she had promised. The duo smiled at the cute sight of the couple, exchanging a look. Heejin grinned, using her phone to snap a picture before she dragged Jinsol out of the place before the taller woman woke their friends up. “We can always use her credit card anyway.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This story was inspired by a prompt by @loonacholibre, so I want to thank them for the idea again. Also, thank you for reading 'till here, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing. I’m really sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> I’m @uncreativeacc on twitter in case you want to scream at me or just chat.


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